Female Success: A Turn Off?
With the recent split of high profile couples like the Hilary Swank/Chad Lowe and Jessica Simpson/ Nick Lachey it makes you think whether the success of the female was a cause of the downfall of the relationship. Did the bloke get jealous because his lover was making more and had more fame?
A good friend of mine Trisha recently started dating a bloke who worked in hospitality. Trisha has always been very ambitious and has worked really hard to obtain her dream job – a Director of a PR firm. In being a Director of course she racks in the big bucks and has everything a gal could ever dream of – a nice car, her own apartment, designer clothes and shoes, etc. The one thing though she can’t manage to obtain is a boyfriend.
When she met Mr Hospitality, they hit it off straight away. She never really told him what she did to start with – just said she worked in PR. She found in the past that if she told her date that she was a Director, they would run to the hills!
Mr Hospitality seemed different though – he thought it was great she was so successful and embraced her ambitions. However, recently his tune has changed. Trisha received a pay rise, started to travel a lot more and became quite a woman about town. She was invited to every main event in her city and mingled with high flyers and high profile celebs. As Mr Hospitality was always working at nights, he could never accompany her.
When her photo started being printed in the social pages, he became quite jealous and would argue with Trisha about her new found fame and success. He demanded that she stop going out with her new friends and that she cease her continuous travels. Basically he was asking her to give up everything she had worked so damn hard for.
Do you think Mr. Hospitality lasted long? No way – he was out the door before he could say ‘I’m an ass!’
Trisha had worked so hard all her life and there was no way a jealous man would ruin her life. Clearly he was jealous that she was the main bread winner, that she was successful and that she had high profile friends.
So many women face this problem when they enter relationships. The green eye monster comes out when the woman starts to demonstrate how successful she is. But is this really a crime? Shouldn’t the male embrace this success? Or is it too hard for him to deal with the fact that he is not the bread winner in the relationship?
Is female success a turn off?
AFL Central
Perhaps it's an ego thing - maybe society has taught us that the men need to be in control and make the big bucks.
But haven't times changed? Can't women be just as or more successful than men?
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Truth Wisdom Freedom
Experienced marriage counsellors will say that any couple with major differences is likely to have strife. The differences could be in ethnic background, professional life, educational levels, social background, ambition and others.
It's much easier in a marriage where people come from similar strata in life because they have similar expectations and understanding of each other. So a man in hospitality will be happier with a partner who keeps similar hours andhas similar friends. Likewise the professional lady will be happier with someone who can share her social life and circle comfortably, probably having similar associates himself.
For example, Fred Hollows married a nurse he met while out in the desert working with Aboriginal people. They had similar interests and concerns and were easily able to accept the same friends and activities. This kind of scenario is happier than trying to twist very different lifestyles into shape. If people are pulling in totally different directions the whole relationship is in strife. Something has to give. It is not necessarily the fault of either one, just that differences are too great. I'd say in this case that he can't adjust up to her style, so she has the choice. Either she adjusts to his needs or they each go their own way. It depends on which is more important to her.
Actually that highflying lifestyle is going to be a difficult one for most partners to cope with. Men and women are not the same in case you hadn't noticed, and don't have identical roles in relationship.
This is where partnership differs from marriage where there is commitment to each other to the exclusionof all else. Partnership is always likely to break down and cause grief to one party or the other.
Maybe if Trisha met someone in her industry who understands the nature of her job and all that it comes with, maybe they would share something in common and it wouldn't lead to strife in the relationship?
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I'm a comedian, I didn't know it. (Hey, didnt say I could rhyme now did I?)
Motherhood
Very interesting post...
Honestly, I think men have problems when their wife/girlfriend/partner begins to earn more money than them...not that I have firsthand experience of this, since my husband brings home the money!
But this bothers me, not earning the money...should be a post all on its own! I write my romance novels (yet to sell; they will though!), and I see my husband begin to twitch at the future...
He will be shocked when I earn more than him...and, yes, he'll probably spend my money happily, but he would like to remain the money earner.
Its sexist...
And I can't wait to outearn him!!
K.L.
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Nothing wrong with women doing stuff like that, and should you pass and make a million dollars from your novel it wont make your husband hate you because its just what you do, it might though make hima little insecure.
I am sure your husband will be very proud of you and yes you're right - more than likely he will splurge on your succcess!
It is sexist that society thinks that men have to earn more than women so their little egos are boosted but don't let that stop you!
Who wants to conform to society anyway?
Juan Carlos
spain again
While your'e about it
Viva l'difference
Fire News Blog
Cities dying of thirst.
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As for kylie minogue, isn't she amrried yet? last time I looked her bellybutton had stretched all the way to her head.
Juan Carlos
spain again
While your'e about it
Viva l'difference
Fire News Blog
Cities dying of thirst.
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Motherhood
To Date Gal,
Thank you for your support...yes, my whole life is following my dreams, I like to think! My baby girl, my writing...oh, yes, and my husband (better add him for his ego)...
Actually, I've been noticing of late that us women seem to be getting stronger, and our men folk weaker...why is that?
I think the feminist movement, started whenever (for an archaeology student, I'm not good on my history), has seen men grow very defensive and a little bit scared...
But let's not let that stop us! I think its empowering women earning more than their partner...we've had to deal with it our whole lives, for generations, its about time men learnt to deal with it...
K.L.
Motherhood
To Juan,
What's wrong with a temporary arrangement? Perhaps these successful women are only interested in that...perhaps that's what they want...
There's been many a time, after I've picked up after my husband for the millionth time, that I wished I'd gone for a temporary arrangement!
K.L.
Juan Carlos
spain again
While your'e about it
Viva l'difference
Fire News Blog
Cities dying of thirst.
It's not like she's a brainless, twittering, talentless, annoying, selfish little bitch, after all.
Perhaps there are other factors including success that put off the males?
Thanks for your thoughts!
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techy.Bytes
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stu
Motherhood
To Juan,
Of course my husband reads all this! He's the one that directed me to Date Gal's blog...
He's a true man of the new millenium...
To Date Gal,
Great post! Great comments, too...
K.L.
Good luck with everything!
PCOS Mum