Rejection: Now What?
Rejection is part of dating life and as much as it’s a big kick in the guts, it’s an experience that teaches us a number of things.
I have only ever had two boyfriends in my life and my first relationship absolutely devastated me. I let it effect me so much that I was so miserable that I didn’t even want to leave the house.
When my second relationship ended I had somewhat of a different view. I thought, 'hey it wasn’t meant to be' and I move on and honestly I couldn’t have been happier!
But when rejection does occur, whether it be at the end of a relationship or even just trying to pick someone up at the pub – it is defiantly a blow to your self esteem and you feel like a right royal loser! But it’s really only up to you how you deal with it!
I’ve recently been dating a guy – nothing serious, just a drink every now and again! To cut a long story short, last night we had the unfortunate conversation that he was too busy with work and really didn’t have time to see me. Whether that was a lie or not, it did knock my self esteem. I actually liked the lad and thought perhaps he could be someone that I could get serious with! I was then faced with the dilemma of being ditched, rejected, whatever you like to call it.
The way I saw it I had two option:
1) Wallow, sulk, thought life was other and never date a man again
2) Or move on; hey it wasn’t meant to be and there’s a better man out there for me!
I did the latter! I have learnt that sometime it’s just not meant to work out – the guy has actually did me a favor because if I stayed with him, I would have ended up terribly unhappy and well what a waste of my life being miserable!
Of course when a relationship breaks up or you have been rejected by a guy, you do feel terrible but think of the positives – the universe or whatever you believe in is telling you that someone else is out there for you!
All these experiences are just that experiences – they teach you what you’re really looking for in a partner and next time you do meet someone, you’ll know whether or not they are for you!!!
Do you agree? What’s your experience with rejection or break ups?
AFL Central
I mean your not going to find the one true love of your life straight away, unless your incredibly lucky and I think we all have to risk getting our hearts broken in the pursuit of finding that one special someone.
Unfortunately I have no rejection stories for you DateGal, but yeah good post.
It's all experience and you're right - how you deal with it determines how your life pans out!
Why be miserable when you can go on living your life and having fun!
AFL Central
Don't you think Anon that you need to date plenty of people before you settle down to realise what you're actually looking for in a partner???
Some of us can't be so lucky that we meet someone first time around!
Cinematrix
Rejections and break-up for me had a cautious, lasting effect on me. Before I suddenly asked girls out before we had any intimacy to possibly grow on, where I was more often than not rejected. But at least it was quick, honest and relatively painless which I'm thankful for.
So then I waited till girls asked me out and that's been the best proviso for getting dates. This doesn't mean I don't flirt or am attracted to girls, but simply refrain from asking myself questions about should I or shouldn't I, and just enjoy myself and if she does want to take things further or one-on-one - great; if not, I still don't lose anything. Nowadays I use that principle which never gets me in trouble. Though if girls wouldn't so forward I realise I wouldn't have any dates whatsoever!
AFL Central
People would question whether this is a defence that we use to protect ourselves - but I think it's rather as we get older we release what we want and we won't settle for anything less!
What do you think?
AFL Central
Also I think as we get older obviously our attitudes towards life and relationships change, while we are in our early 20's it is perhaps more fun a games and the like but once we get older we are looking for that special someone and a sense of security.
Hey we're only young once right!
AFL Central
Yep we are only young once, may as well enjoy it i say
Cinematrix
DG: It is a kind of defense or safety mechanism employed to guarantee your own emotional safety but I think it works, as the cost of being so pre-occupied on someone and really forgetting about how you feel and what you want to do gets compromised entirely.
The latter is true too - as we get older we're more intuitive or in-tune with what we really want from experiences whether good or bad.
TonyK: I also agree with the thought that we do desire relationship characteristics that change throughout the course of our life. Perhaps from momentary experience of being in one, to the fun of being in one, to sharing experiences with each other, to having someone you know and trust and admire them.
My first serious relationship left me all kinds of messed-up - as can obviously be witnessed in my own blog. I had a real complex about being rejected, brushed off, shut down etc - and to an extent I probably still do, in more serious situations.
What I've learned is that you really don't have a hell of a lot to lose, in approaching a member of the opposite sex you've never met. What's the worst they can say, "No"? Who cares. If you live with the attitude, "S/he rejected me, they're clearly not worth my time if they aren't open-minded enough to give me a chance", rejection woes are a thing of the past.
Sounds like loser mentality, when I write it down like that. Goddamnit.
AFL Central
With that kind of atttitude no wonder you're having fun and living life!
Good on you!